THE ATM OF JUSTICE
you tired of dealing with the hassles of our modern legal
system? Frustrated with making appearance after appearance
in court? You are in luck. The ATM of Justice is being
rolled out across the United States and will soon be in
your area. Taking a page from the cashless revolution,
the Department of Homeland Security has rolled most traffic
and minor law infractions into simple "ATM-like"
procedures. Approach the ATM and enter your case number,
enter a plea of guilty or not guilty on the keypad. After
this simply swipe your credit or debit card and get a
receipt to keep for your records. This system frees up
the legal system by admitting that all minor infractions
are laws designed to collect revenue from the people.
No longer will you have to waste time and money on lawyers
and traffic school. Simply fork over money at your nearest
ATM of Justice and receive a receipt for your due process
scandal developed last Tuesday when child star Kermit
the Frog's ATM of Justice security footage was mysteriously
leaked to the web by a hacker BEAKR187. The blurry scene
is shown to depict an intoxicated KTF as he pleads not
guilty to the charge of throwing chairs at a local Dr.
Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Concert. The video also
contains evidence that might account for the recent disappearance
of noted Muppet, and cannon ball enthusiast, Gonzo. Seen
in the video, Gonzo lays unconscious, smashed into the
hood of Kermit’s red Miata.
the Frog was last seen with long time friend Fozzie the
Bear, four days ago driving south on Highway 80, seven
miles outside of North Shore, Wyoming.
you think you have sighted Kermit the Frog or Fozzie the
Bear, please contact:
Special Muppets Unit