how am i going to die?

Originally published Monday July, 11th 2005

Dear Stevil, I was wondering if you had any advice for a dunk person who was visiting your site and thinking to themselves “is this a run on scentence?” Cause ya know it is kina long. I am having trouble typing and all so I will keep this short. Do you know of any girls that will sleep with me? If you do will you give them my contact number?

- Drunk Bastard

Dear Captain Jean Luc Bastard,

According to The Axis of Stevil Handbook: Section 13.5b “Desperate Drunk Calls for Grammar Help” this organization is very glad you asked these very important questions as it is essential to any reader to have the ability to recognize and note the problem with run-on sentences being that they are really long, as you stated and thought to yourself in your drunken stupor and the only advice to offer you would be the only just thing for an organization, much like this one, to do and that advice is this, “If you are paying too much attention to grammar and spelling and run-on sentences you are missing the quality of the content, no matter where it originates.”**

As per your request for some girl(s) who would be willing to sleep with you, The Axis of Stevil is willing to share a few comments which may be of some assistance to you. First, The Axis of Stevil is very flattered and appreciative of the fact that you could manage to spend your drunken time and energy in browsing its site instead of trying to find girls on your own. Bee, there are plenty of very nice, beautiful women in this world and the majority of them like to sleep for some time during each day. It is just a matter of finding the ones who sleep at the same time you do. Three) the numbering and labeling system in this response is almost as effective as your ability in picking up said women to join your for sleeping. Deltas, if none of the above comments are of any use try following the instructions that were found in the third stall at the Offices of The Axis of Stevil (pictured below).


The Axis of Stevil

** - Grammar check on Word really hated that I typed that sentence.

how am i going to die?

Dear Soontu B.D. Ceased,

Much like you write; short, painful and adequately puncuated.

The Axis of Stevil

Dear AOS staff. As per a conversation held between Steven #1, Graham, and I in your laboratory, it is my understanding that you had near 700,000 visitors last month (wow). So why is it that you think you do not have more questions for AOS? I have lots of questions but I don't want to hog all your knowledge.


Dear otreboR,

The Axis of Stevil provides this general-purpose knowledge base as a public service. Being an organization with such lineage and resources, The Axis of Stevil was often sought by heads of state, theologians and political pundits to answer the burning questions of the day. It was the position of this company to refuse all requests for information for fear of giving away the end. The long silence was broken finally in May of this year when the Axis of Stevil decided that it would accept questions for the first time ever. Since then all questions received have been promptly answered, and while it is far too early to judge long-term trends. The OIQ* has been significantly higher since the onset of ‘Ask Stevil’. It is hard to say why this service has gone over looked by contemporary society. Some would speculate the cause stems from the March 2005 issue of Famous Father Monthly in which Ron Howard offers to answer any and all questions sent to him here. Thus channeling a large brunt of the world’s problems to Opie’s doorstep. The Axis of Stevil, unlike Ron Howard, guarantees all of it’s answers to be of the highest level of correctitude and would encourage you to submit any and all questions that you might have there is plenty of knowledge to go around.

The Axis of Stevil

* Overall intelligence quotient

Contributors: Stevil (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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