Why don't ginger kids have souls?

Originally published Monday February, 27th 2006

Why don’t ginger kids have souls?


Dearest Algernon::

You should be commended for your knowledge of such folklore; however you have been slightly misled. You see, this anomaly is not in regard to ginger kids and their eternal spirit, but more toward ginger people and their shoes. As “souls” and “soles” are common homophones, this mistake is perfectly normal. There is an age-old suburban legend that The Axis of Stevil discovered that may very well answer your query more directly and may offer further explanation to this mistake.

In 1893, there was a small German village where an elderly baker had dwelled. He had been a baker his entire life and was considered the best the entire country. People from far away villages and cities traveled in order to purchase this man’s delectable delights. In fact, this very baker had invented the very first Gingerbread Man. Believe it or not, the Gingerbread Man that this baker had created was actually brought to life by his wife, who so happened to practice witchcraft. Quite the odd couple, wouldn’t you agree?

The Gingerbread Man gained the elderly baker even more fame and his business soared. Day and night he baked. When he wasn’t baking, he was sleeping. His bakery remained packed full of people ready to acquire his masterpieces and to see the Gingerbread Man, live and in person -er cookie. The baker loved having an extremely successful business, but all of that hard work soon took its toll on the poor fellow. He complained that the bottoms of his feet ached constantly due to the amount of work he had accomplished within the past few weeks. His wife was not pleased.

“Ever since you made that Gingerbread Man, your work load has tripled!” she exclaimed. “All of this excruciating labor is wearing you out. You toil day and night and I seldom see my dear old husband. This entire debacle is to blame on that Gingerbread Man!”

That night, the baker’s wife snuck into the Gingerbread Man’s room and cast a spell upon him.

“Since you were born
Our job has been tougher.
Now like my husband,
Your kind shall suffer!”

The curse that the witch cast upon the Gingerbread Man had taken the soles out of his shoes, causing his feet to ache terribly. The same horrible fate was placed on the Gingerbread Man’s offspring, as well.

And from that day forward, Ginger-kids never had soles.


The Axis of Stevil

Contributors: Dick (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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