Are you tired of dealing with the hassles of our modern legal system? Frustrated with making appearance after appearance in court? You are in luck. The ATM of Justice is being rolled out across the United States and will soon be in your area. Taking a page from the cashless revolution, the Department of Homeland Security has rolled most traffic and minor law infractions into simple “ATM-like” procedures. Approach the ATM and enter your case number, enter a plea of guilty or not guilty on the keypad. After this simply swipe your credit or debit card and get a receipt to keep for your records. This system frees up the legal system by admitting that all minor infractions are laws designed to collect revenue from the people. No longer will you have to waste time and money on lawyers and traffic school. Simply fork over money at your nearest ATM of Justice and receive a receipt for your due process
A scandal developed last Tuesday when child star Kermit the Frog’s ATM of Justice security footage was mysteriously leaked to the web by a hacker BEAKR187. The blurry scene is shown to depict an intoxicated KTF as he pleads not guilty to the charge of throwing chairs at a local Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Concert. The video also contains evidence that might account for the recent disappearance of noted Muppet, and cannon ball enthusiast, Gonzo. Seen in the video, Gonzo lays unconscious, smashed into the hood of Kermit’s red Miata.
Kermit the Frog was last seen with long time friend Fozzie the Bear, four days ago driving south on Highway 80, seven miles outside of North Shore, Wyoming.
If you think you have sighted Kermit the Frog or Fozzie the Bear, please contact:
IntraPol: Special Muppets Unit
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