Ewe Asked For It

Originally published Wednesday May, 9th 2007

Seguh

Greetings gaming goons! The Axis of Stevil has got the goods on the newest next-gen contender. Limping, at the last minute, onto the battlefield is struggling Seguh’s swan song, the Seguh Ewe. The Seguh Ewe (homophone to “You” in English or “u” in txtmsg) is the paramount first-player gaming experience. While most next-generation consoles advocate that video games be played in groups, be it in-person or through a series of tubes, the Seguh Ewe is promotes those that play with themselves.

Let’s face it, we all have our guilty pleasures: Whether it’s the craving you get for fried chicken dipped in peanut butter you get right before you go to bed, your collection of Wyler’s Light drink mix canisters, or that part inside you that tried really, really hard to like the non-computer generated parts of Spider-Man 3. The Seguh Ewe takes what misanthropes want into account and plays games the other consoles are too pussy to publish. Virtual reality doesn’t judge what jiggles your joystick, so you can play Barbie Pony Parade and Quicken: Tax 2 Da Max without shame. Every game designed for the Seguh Ewe is one-player and utilizes one, or many, of the fifteen additional wireless controllers which include ‘steering wheel’, ‘watering can’, and ‘stapler’.

The Seguh Ewe comes in a stylish black titanium case and weighs the same as an average 2nd grade girl (approx. 47 pounds). Don’t forget the Jackass and Pompous Jackass upgrade packages which give your Seguh Ewe Blu-Ray DVD compatibility and a six-month trial of Food Delivery Service channel. Stay tuned to The Axis of Stevil for au courant Seguh Ewe game news and previews

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