Facebook: Gotta Catch 'em All!

Originally published Monday October, 10th 2005

Facebook

This past Friday, Monks of the high order of Mon’ were called to southern San Picco where reports say the 357th reincarnation of Mon’ has arrived. If confirmed it will be the cosmic beginning’s first appearance in over 6 years. The creature, Mon’ Monetup, a confrontational being of obsessive collecting, is said to inhabit the Facebook. Fueling the collection of an online network of “friends” regardless of any actual relationships with these people. Arm your profile with all your obscure friends from high school and do Battle in The Facemon’ Stadium!

Known in the 1950s as the “Stamp Collector’s God”, Mon’ once lead a very quite life. This changed in 1998 thanks to the super villains of the OAK research facility. Using the “Scientific Method” The brilliant minds of OAK observed and reasoned that the resonating sounds emitted from within the boxer shorts of Ashton Ballpark were in fact the sleeping energy markers of Mon’.

The GiHY (GiHi)-drome, Gigantic Hydrogen research facility, an 8 story Titanium skinned spherical tank, was the site chosen for the experiment. Coming at the end of a day-long series of events, computations and energy transfers, the summoning happened at the very instance the pH levels of the omni-pool of GiHY-drome reached a balmy 13. Mon’, appearing for the 356th time as a large Brachiosaurus in the omni pool, was instantly captured by rope tentacles coming from within the walls.

“Monathoris”, immobilized he was quickly fitted with scuba equipment by waiting henchman of OAK. This process was the 1st documented creation of a psi-energy cell (perma.).

The psi-energy cell lasted 4 years, allowing for the production of several product lines of highly compulsive toys, and cards based on characters pulled from the pentothal sodium induced ramblings of OAK’s senior science office Mark Samichies’s son Steven.

A valuable tool, Mon’ s energy at the peak of it’s output controlled 45% of the world collective unconscious pool. Making OAK’s products a common pastime. This level of control was thought to previously only to exist in a Carnival!

Internet journalistic efforts in post 9/11 America lead to the unraveling of the OAK’s consolidated world wide shipping concern, exposing a web of lies created to shield the origin of several of it’s subsidiary companies. The admittance to the existence of psi-energy came as a hard shock. Leading to overnight executive orders out lawing anyone to ever speak of such witchcraft again. The GiHY-drome was captured in a joint action of the united and Peruvian government and was totally demolished.

It was not known whether or not the Spirit of Mon’ would ever return after these traffic events. But Recent on-line trends suggest that Mon’ has reappeared, as The Facebook. As reward to the Internet for leading to its emancipation.

Travel Destination: The preserved shell of “Monathoris” is on display at Mon’s Tomb, Cuzco Peru

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