Injustice No More!

Originally published Friday May, 12th 2006


Having a 9 to 5 seems to be the fate of every Steve at one time or another. The entire American public education system is merely preparation for monotonous office work. It’s tiring just thinking about working for ‘the man’. There are many injustices that everyone must endure for the good of greater priorities; injustices that include taking orders from someone younger than you or having to clean the floors of the bathroom every night. However, there is one injustice that can be fought without the consequence of termination: the smoke break.

Every business, whether it be corporate, fast food or factory, allows their smoking workers at least one smoke break simply because there is usually a handful of workers that smoke. The allotted five to seven minute break is vitally imperative for those who smoke. What about the smoke-free populous? Why must they continue to toil away while smokers are outside the building, enjoying both fresh and nicotine-laced air?

From the creators of Hot Pocket, The Axis of Stevil proudly introduces Imirette©, the new edible imitation cigarette. These delicious, flavored cylinders are specially designed for non-smokers to convince even the most rigorous bosses that they smoke. Made with flavored dough, these edible imitation cigarettes feel warm in your lungs and taste great!

The celebrated benefits of Imirette© edible imitation cigarettes are the lack of tar, which has been proven to cause cancer and turn teeth yellow, and nicotine, which is an addictive substance. Now anyone can appear as if smoking and receive none of the cancerous side effects, but still be able to inhale all the appetizing advantages!

Not getting that break designated only for the smokers? Fret no more! Imirette© edible imitation cigarettes are packaged in exact replica boxes of tobacco-filled cigarettes, giving that true cigarette feel and look in your shirt-pocket or purse. They come in 100’s and 120’s, for those who want a longer break. Imirettes© look and smell like true cigarettes, but no one will know that it’s a delicious multi-flavored Imirette©!

Imirette© has teamed up with the country’s favorite chain restaurants to create flavors which include Chili’s Baby Back Ribs, McDonald’s French Fries, Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion, and IHOP’s butter milk pancakes. For the healthy non-smoker, low-fat options are also available with our tasty wheat, spinach, and green tea flavors. The newest dessert flavors include apple pie and cinnamon bun, which are wrapped in a layer of glaze and frosting, respectively.

Be proud to be a non-smoker and fight the smoking injustice at work. Take that five-minute break and feel the sun on your face. You deserve it for staying healthy and working hard! Imirette© lets the non-smoker enjoy the advantages of smoking without affecting your health!

Imirette© is sold wherever true cigarettes are sold, as well as local YMCAs.

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