More Cluck For Your Buck

Originally published Monday May, 30th 2005


Do you need somebody murdered? Is a close friend or relative being held captive by an evil tyrant? If so you need the Kickin Chickin! Unlike most assassin groups, the Kickin Chicken will not ask you for a deposit and two forms of ID. Masters of their ancient art, the Kickin Chicken have never lost a battle and always get their man.

Lead by Juan Conroy, the most ruthless chicken to ever walk the face of the earth, Kickin Chickin has made quite a name for themselves in the ultra top-secret world of espoultrynage. He has been linked to 16 separate assassinations, and 24 felonious counts of silverware throwing. The most recent activity was in response to the ruxpin crisis. While Conroy would like to maintain a low profile, a recent drought of civil unrest has made him more desperate. The Axis of Stevil, while not wishing to encourage this sort of behavior, is happy to display the latest Kickin Chickin advertisement for their new public campaign.

The Kickin Chickin seek to gain success by becoming a household name in the realm of poultry inflicted violence. As a one-stop shop in assassin needs, Kickin Chickin’s services include, but are not limited to:

  • Knee Bangs
  • Clubbings
  • Hosings
  • Whackings
  • Chased Around Like Girls
  • Pickle Tauntings
  • Wedgies
  • And much more!


These posters can be seen hanging on buildings and marquees all around the Kickin Chickin’s home town of Kinstiona, Nebraska. They may also be viewed in the yellow book.

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