Stephen Minnesota

Originally published Wednesday March, 28th 2007

This illustrious organization was founded on the principle that everyone can be successful and have a voice to speak their ideas, even people who've been given a name as plain as one given to millions each year, Steve! Every so often, The Axis of Stevil takes pleasure in shining the proverbial spotlight on a Steve who shows excellence in their field.

In an ongoing effort to support the misrepresented Caucasian Christian citizens of small-town, Middle-America, the Axis of Stevil proudly presents Stephen Minnesota!


The evolving power-struggle against hard-working Middle-America is becoming more evident as time goes on. The first attack on good, clean chastity started on August 15th, 1969, when the reprehensible Woodstock Festival took place. After a band’s vocalist repeatedly inquired the audience, “Who are you? Who? Who? ” (the vocalist was clearly delusional, possibly from ingestion of illegal narcotics) the three-day tirade finally ended, leaving behind a barren war zone of litter, which brazenly displayed the hypocrisy behind the liberal regime. Nonetheless, The Axis of Stevil continues to serve all Steves, great and small.

Over 700 outstanding occupants reside within to the 2.1km ² (0.8 mi²) area dedicated to the 18th most common male name. While Stephen may look quaint from a distance, Stephen’s rich, fertile soil produces wheat, barley, corn, sunflowers, sugar beets and potatoes for the masses. In fact, Stephen is the third largest potato producer within the Red River Valley. It makes you wonder if “Spud” is really a derivative of “Stephen”. Sadly, it’s not; however, Stephen is more than a just square-mile field of produce. Stephen is a place for the people. The Community Art Center features concerts, plays, art shows, recitals, and is also available for weddings, anniversary celebrations, and funerals, making it, truly, a location for any family occasion.

Stephen’s education department is second-to-none. The town hosts Stephen/Arglye Central (SAC) high school, home of repeat nine-man football champions, The SAC Storm. Another attraction is the Old Home Town Museum, located adjacent to SAC on Fifth Street. The building was constructed in 1916 and was home to Cutsy and Francis Swanson, editors and publishers of the Stephen Messenger from 1925 to 1965. The museum also accommodates an abundance of antiques and “Tamarac Mac”, a large spruce carving in honor of Stephen’s first settler. Other amenities within the town include:

Swimming Pool Basketball Courts Golf Course Tennis Courts Outdoor Hockey/Skating Rink Curling Rink and Frisbee Golf!

Like any other Steve, Stephen Minnesota’s charm is one unique to its own. With bright, blue skies, long, sunny days, and a population that is roughly 94% Caucasian, the only thing in that’s dark in Stephen, MN prolific is the farming land.



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