“Stevil said knock you out.”“Ask not what you can do for Stevil, but what Stevil can do for you.”“First rule of Axis of Stevil: Do talk about Axis of Stevil.”“It is the begining of Stevilization”“Gotta Stevilize it!”“Dow Jones Report: Stevil up 3 3/8 in heavy trading”“A Stevil is forever.”“A Stevil is a terrible thing to waste.”“Double your Stevil, double your fun!”“Stevil: Good to the last drop.”“Like a good neighbor, Stevil is there.”“It's Stevil time!”“The Axis of Stevil: PRO-DINOSAUR”“Better living through larger realities.”“Art exists because reality is neither real nor significant.” Novelist J.G. Ballard (Seattle Times)

Stephen Minnesota

In an ongoing effort to support the misrepresented Caucasian Christian citizens of small-town, Middle-America, the Axis of Stevil proudly presents Stephen Minnesota!

StephenMNMap

The evolving power-struggle against hard-working Middle-America is becoming more evident as time goes on. The first attack on good, clean chastity started on August 15th, 1969, when the reprehensible Woodstock Festival took place. After a band’s vocalist repeatedly inquired the audience, “Who are you? Who? Who? ” (the vocalist was clearly delusional, possibly from ingestion of illegal narcotics) the three-day tirade finally ended, leaving behind a barren war zone of litter, which brazenly displayed the hypocrisy behind the liberal regime. Nonetheless, The Axis of Stevil continues to serve all Steves, great and small.

Over 700 outstanding occupants reside within the 2.1km ² (0.8 mi²) area dedicated to the 18th most common male name. While Stephen may look quaint from a distance, Stephen’s rich, fertile soil produces wheat, barley, corn, sunflowers, sugar beets and potatoes for the masses. In fact, Stephen is the third largest potato producer within the Red River Valley. It makes you wonder if “Spud” is really a derivative of “Stephen”. Sadly, it’s not; however, Stephen is more than just a square-mile field of produce. Stephen is a place for the people. The Community Art Center features concerts, plays, art shows, recitals, and is also available for weddings, anniversary celebrations, and funerals, making it, truly, a location for any family occasion.

Stephen’s education department is second-to-none. The town hosts Stephen/Argyle Central (SAC) high school, home of repeat nine-man football champions, The SAC Storm. Another attraction is the Old Home Town Museum, located adjacent to SAC on Fifth Street. The building was constructed in 1916 and was home to Cutsy and Francis Swanson, editors and publishers of the Stephen Messenger from 1925 to 1965. The museum also accommodates an abundance of antiques and “Tamarac Mac”, a large spruce carving in honor of Stephen’s first settler. Other amenities within the town include:

Swimming Pool Basketball Courts Golf Course Tennis Courts Outdoor Hockey/Skating Rink Curling Rink and Frisbee Golf!

Like any other Steve, Stephen Minnesota’s charm is one unique to its own. With bright, blue skies, long, sunny days, and a population that is roughly 94% Caucasian, the only thing that’s dark in Stephen, MN is the prolific farming land.

StephenMN

Writing
Stevil, Graham

Plate 36 · Featured Steves