Steve Bowie

Originally published Wednesday November, 23rd 2005

This illustrious organization was founded on the principle that everyone can be successful and have a voice to speak their ideas, even people who've been given a name as plain as one given to millions each year, Steve! Every so often, The Axis of Stevil takes pleasure in shining the proverbial spotlight on a Steve who shows excellence in their field.

In an ongoing effort to promote the telling of a great story and providing a great American legend with life, The Axis of Stevil shines its spotlight on Steve Bowie!


Most mainstream historians would have you think that stories of ‘The King of Texas’ are merely tall tales; recent research would suggest that they are, in fact, true. While some of tales speak of exploits that seem like a fantastical, medieval-knight style adventure, these tales often portray an accurate dramatization of the old west. One such tale depicts Steve Bowie as leading a stunning surprise attack on General Santa Anna; who was passed out drunk under a tree at the time of the battle. Called a hero, Bowie was voted first King of Texas. From atop his mighty steed he dispensed justice across the entire old west. The Stevilian calendar marks the third Friday of November as a day of remembrance for the hero.

As a rare fusion of two great names, Steve Bowie possessed a style and flare that radiated with the smooth confidence of being a Steve. With such natural ability, he was a born leader in the harsh new frontier of America. Charging himself to “clean up crime and abuse” in his kingdom, Bowie lead a successful series of battles and encounters with banditos and scoff laws. His tireless dedication to his country inspired hope in everyone he met.

During his 15-year reign, Texas saw the restoration of law and order to a land ravaged by post-war poverty. When it came time for annexation into the United States, there were large groups of holdouts that felt the king had a better plan for their future. Bowie renounced his throne and stepped aside as ruler, when the United States applied pressure to his family and rare hamster collection. He was given no choice but to leave his people.

Bowie spent his remaining days as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army; forbidden to ever speak of his, once, noble life. For fear of British imperialism spreading, history books would turn their back on Steve Bowie and his great kingdom, wiping it from existence. The citizens of the New Texana were forced to keep silent about pre-state history by the United States government and their persuasion tactics.

Despite the cover up, the Legend of Steve Bowie grew from generation to generation. In 1927, Maria Varnetta published “Steve Bowie and The Court of Santa Fe”; an outlandish tale of magic powers, polygamy and child abuse that paints Steve Bowie as a twisted character bent on conquest, by any means. The book was a number-one seller and fueled the misconceptions of the legends validity, across the country.

The name Steve Bowie stands the test of time and seems to infuse a man with great motivation. Currently, Steve Bowie is in Pasadena, California on his own quest of family heritage; once again, exemplifying the true caliber of a Steve.

The Axis of Stevil has reason to believe that indisputable proof of Bowie’s existence is located in a secret, airtight basement beneath The Alamo. While you spend time with family and enjoy large meals on this third Thursday of November, please remember The Legend of Steve Bowie: First King of Texas and write Texas Congressman Lloyd Doggett and demand the vault of King Bowie I be opened.



Contributors: Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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