The Bear [Redux]: Mortimer

Mortimer the bear was a curious creature. Certainly he looked like the other bears, he shared similar bear features to his mother and father and had a normal social life. He was seen every Wednesday night calling out bingo numbers at the local Bear Lodge #48675. Why then was this seemingly ordinary bear strange? One Halloween several years ago, Mortimer was desperate for a costume. He had hibernated far too long. He searched the town and all he could find was a bear hood. He tried it on for laughs, and instantly realized his inner bear energy. He suddenly felt the sublime bliss of knowing one’s self perfectly. He was the bear, in the bear costume. He has not removed the garment since. Friends and family were initially confused, but quickly came to see the massive power of the bear hat commanded and withdrew their criticism. Mortimer quit his bingo job and set out into the wilderness with nothing but a jump rope, and 5 quarts of Royal Honey. Mortimer was a bear of sophisticated tastes. Mortimer gained notoriety in late ‘03 when The Axis of Stevil made him the subject of a wildly successful T-shirt.

The instant classic was hailed as a triumph in endo-bear relations and ushered in a new era of prosperity for bearkind. In recognition, Mortimer was given the title of Lord Bearington XXI, one of the highest ranks a bear can hold in the Royal Order of Ursa Minor. Lord Bearington now spends his days jumping rope across the world while wearing Stevil's 'Bear Redux' apparel line. If you meet Lord Bearington, attempt to avert your gaze from his shirt. Many people suffer seizures or ocular overload from gazing upon a bear in a bear-suit wearing a t-shirt of a bear in a bear-suit who happens to be wearing a t-shirt of a bear in a bear-suit and that bear is also wearing a bear-suit and has the same bear in a bear t-shirt on and that bear ...