Think Of The Whales!

Originally published Wednesday June, 22nd 2005

Whales

It is a fact of life that bad things happen. Sometimes they happen when you least expect them, such as, while driving to work, waiting for your lunch order, or sleeping near a box of markers. When you encounter these bad vibes, remember to look up and note your surroundings, to be sure that you do not take down anything else with you.

Bad luck was started in the early 1600s when Maria XI tripped over her royal sandwich maker and knocked Sir Walter Raleigh into a regiment of troops practicing their secrete “domino” formation. This single event has cascaded throughout history, spreading and propagating the negative force. In modern times Bad Luck has become so common that it has condensed into large clouds and slow moving systems of luck, which can be predicted and mapped by modern meteorological study. Modern Luck Forecasters have the sworn duty of accurately predicting the good to bad ratio for a given region on local television. From this the populous can have an accurate idea of what their “chances of getting away with it are”. Last year 20,000 people were caught unaware by a luck storm and ended up being squashed by a beluga whale or eaten by a Bengal tiger. Through better forecasting methods and research, these disasters of luck can be predicted earlier and, maybe, one day prevented.

When you find yourself in a large pocket of bad luck known as a Simultaneous Hysterically Ironic Thunder Storm, The Axis of Stevil asks that you keep in mind the world around you and not transfer the S.H.I.T.S. on to anything else. When bad luck ends with you, it flushes the S.H.I.T.S. from the environment making the world a happier more enjoyable place. As a last bit of advice, remember, if you are GOING to F it up, SAVE A WHALE!

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