What Might Have Been

Originally published Thursday August, 25th 2005

Lightmonkey

There are many things in this world we take for granted. All too often we view the world as being unchangeable; “Just the way it is”. Take, for instance, the Military Industrial Complex, you know that it will defend you while you sleep, drop bombs on the enemies, and breathe during your phone conversations. What nobody realizes is that behind the scenes, there are minds toiling endlessly to think up the next great idea in anti-gravity propulsion, aeronautics and SBD olfactoric weaponry. More then likely, any idea you have had for a weapon has been thoroughly tested and documented by the army.

Scientist, Julius Robert Oppenheimer, speculated in a 1951 report* that any chimp over the age of 3 could have their bloods infused with a viscous mix of aluminum soap and gasoline. These chimps could then be released into enemy territory and take nest, awaiting instructions from a two-radio earpiece. At the best strategic time the chimps would be instructed to flick on a lighter. The tiny spark would be enough to ignite the chimp into a fiery napalm explosion. A well-positioned infused alpha chimp could decimate an area the size of a football field.

After extensive research, the monkeys seemed to be just what the MIC would be looking for. The National Monkey Ordnance research facility was constructed in the quiet port town of East Shore, Nebraska. It was here that Oppenheimer spent 2 years testing monkey bombs with various degrees of success.

The project was cancelled in 1957 due to public outcry when John Muir lead one of the first public animal rights campaign demanding an explanation for all the monkey bits seen flying through the air around the facility.

While we’ll never know what kind of weapons monkeys could have become, it is a good example of one of the many failed ideas the government attempted in their search for the “next big thing”.

* - “Old World Monkeys: Mobile Napalm Delivery” 1951

Greenmonkey

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