Like many other inquiring minds, I just have to know! Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

Originally published Monday June, 27th 2005

Like many other inquiring minds, I just have to know! Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

~ Jacob

muckeymouseeggsweb

Dear Jacob’s Ladder,

Asking this question is like asking, “Which came first? Morality or Disney movies?” The answer is simple when you break down the parts. Where do eggs come from? The grocery store, next to the milk and cheese. Where do chickens come from? The grocery store, in the meat dept. Do you understand so far Jacob? Ok this is it gets tricky. As you enter the grocery store you construct the store as your mind perceives it. 85% of humans construct the dairy section in logical relationship to the entrance as coming before the meat department. The other 15% perceive the meat dept as being first in their linear grocery store progression. In summation the origins of your breakfast sandwich are totally dependent on how you feel.

Regards,
The Axis of Stevil

P.S. Shockingly 98% of American youth interpret Disney brand morality, before they are aware of either the chicken or the egg.

i have 3 questions… the first question… How do rice crispies talk?… and what are they really saying? 3rd question: how do they get the little model boats in those bottles… i mean they are way too big to fit in the hole

signed jr

Dear Jerry Ratricks,

Rice Krispies are attempting to communicate to you all the time. The Rice Krispies are an interesting creature, in that they can only generate audible speech patterns when submersed in milk. It is a cruel irony for this chatty cereal treats. Rice Krispies, however talkative, cannot tread water and quickly drown in a milk sea. Because of this, Rice Krispies are usually yelling for help when you hear them talk. There have been a few occasions when the great thinkers of the Rice Krispies meet their end. These serine puffed pieces of rice will explain the ways of the Krispie, or demand better box art. These occasions however are few and far between. Do not trouble yourself, or feel sad for the Krispies. They realize that they are tasty. In regards to your third question, When boats and other water vessels are decommissioned they are sailed into large glass dry docks, which are then shrunk, to bottle size for convenient shortage.

Regards,
The Axis of Stevil

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