If two negatives make a positive, then why dont two wrongs make a right?

Originally published Wednesday July, 20th 2005

if two negatives make a positive, then why dont two wrongs make a right?
the fat kid

Dear Fat Kiddy,

Right and wrong are metaphysical creations that try to describe the spirit. They are completely independent from both mathematical theorems and covalent attractions. You have however been grossly misinformed. Please consult this official Axis of Stevil proof sheet

proofsheet

Regards,
The Axis of Stevil

Dear Stevil,
Why do people use nicknames? I think they are highly overrated. Can't we just call each other by our given names? Have you ever had a nickname? Did you like it? WHY?!

John “Stinky Cheese” Mitchell

Dear John Limburger,

Whether or not you are aware of the fact, it has been a practice of mankind to give his brother nicknames for as long we can remember. Recent evidence has shown that in the Stone Age, the first nickname was given to a man named Nook for snoring too loudly in his cave. The terrible noises he produced every night would keep his entire clan awake for hours. His best friend Ook awoke one morning and promptly entitled him “Nick”, hence the creation of the word nickname and the tradition of nicknaming began. Although Nook continually protested the name, it only made his peers tease him more. The teasing however provoked Nook into snoring louder each night, his only means of revenge on his unrelenting friends.

Inevitably since then, nicknames have been a sign of affection given by those who typically have a hard time showing their feelings otherwise.

Consequently, nicknames have been linked to the recent development of screen names here in the digital age. Think of how many of your friends have used your friendly jests at their character as an online alias. If it were not for these individual terms of endearment, many of us would remain faceless as we wander our lonely paths through the tangled web we call the internet.

Regards,
The Axis of Stevil

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