Why is it so hard to kill a zombie with a knife?

Originally published Friday November, 4th 2005

Dear Axis of Stevil, why is it so hard to kill a zombie with a knife…even if it has a serrated edge and is sharpened on a diamond stone?

-The Daywalker

Dear The Daywalker,

Zombies, despite the fact they are often portrayed as the weakest of all monsters, are really hard to kill! Those guys don’t stop! What are you doing with a knife only? The Axis of Stevil, in it’s campgrounds and mountain trail guide book, recommends that you carry at least a shotgun, handgun, two boxes of ammo and a green herb when routinely traveling in zombified terrain.

Zombies have an exterior layer of fatty ‘reverse’ skin. Because of this, zombies have a high tolerance for pain. It, in fact, just feels like a tickle to their skin. If you are just tickling somebody, it’s really hard to keep them off of you.

Reverse skin does provides an interesting trick for when “you need to take down a large room of zombies in under two minutes before the Zombie overlord escapes in his moon jet!”, simply swing an old fashion feather pillow. The resulting softness of fabric and feathers is like a debilitating taser blow to any zombie melting their interiors to a smelly pulp. This is why you never see a zombies eating chicken!

The Axis of Stevil

Contributors: Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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