Extreme Thanksgiving

Originally published Friday November, 4th 2005

ExtremeTurkey

The new trend in diversifying funds among major corporations is to purchase the rights to holidays; starting with Google’s acquisition of Christmas, Viacom has quickly followed suit snatching Thanksgiving and the first two weeks of women’s history month. Speculation is currently running rampant on what the conglomerate plans to do with its new holdings. Current Vice President of Seasonal Sales and Promotions, Martin Salaberg, promises to bring to thanksgiving the same quality of styling and product placement that he brought to MTV!

Salaberg made the following remarks about plans for Thanksgiving, at a Knights of Cortez Luncheon.

“Viacom hopes to fuse the antiquated notions of a traditional Thanksgiving with a modern vision. Aiding the day with several Viacom owned characters will give the day a broad consumer appeal and merchandizing potential. The turkey and the pilgrim were fine for your mom and pop, but in these modern times, people need icons they know and identify with. There were no cell phones at the first Thanksgiving, or Xbox 360s. We hope to change that. Rather then propagate seasonal gluttony! We hope to channel resources away from gorging and turn it into gifting!”

Offering no comments on any plans for women’s history month, Salberg added more to a growing controversy. An uncovered inner-departmental Viacom memo mentioned a re-branding of the March fortnight to “Special K Presents: Women’s History Month”. The memo that was published in a HASBEEN magazine editorial has brought a firestorm of criticism to both the cereal giant Kellogg’s, and Viacom.

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