Why is Cheerwine made only in North and South Carolina?

Originally published Monday January, 9th 2006

Why is Cheerwine made only in North and South Carolina?

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Dear main air-conditioning unit,

The answer to this inquiry is located deep within the Axis of Stevil History Texts. Hold the flaming stick and watch your step.

The answer takes us all the way back to the year 1917, smack-dab in the middle of World War I. Europe, as a whole, was taking quite a beating during this period. The price of food skyrocketed and rations were entirely too small to sustain our over-seas citizens. Due to the lack of food, these people suffered chemical imbalances within their brains, which were proven to be early detections of bipolar disorder (or Xanga Fuel, as it is referred to in modern terms).

The United States had declared war against Germany earlier in the year, so Europe looked to us for aid with their indigent, famished individuals. The United States gladly took these people into refuge and stationed them into asylums located in North and South Carolina. However, the nurses and doctors noticed that these people, having suffered malnourishment, produced abnormal brain activity. They quickly developed a treatment called “Cheer-Whine” to represent both stages of bipolar disorder. Not only did “Cheer-Whine” alleviate the irregular brain ailments, it was quite tasty to boot. Once the Europeans were returned safely, the developers of this delicious drug decided to capitalize their creation. With a quick name change, the modern-day Cheerwine was unveiled.


The Axis of Stevil

Contributors: Dick (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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