Not As Good As 'the Original'

It started as an anonymous tip called in from the Wacky Land and House of Pancakes. The tip led authorities to the Hillcrest Trailer Park, home of Shirley the Loon. Hearing shouts, the police entered the home to find Ms. Loon and her boyfriend, Gogo Dodo, injecting large amounts of KLOVAAH!-XIN, a rheumatoid arthritis drug that works as a steroid in toons.

The couple had made news recently as stars of the 371st Laugh Olympics, the annual triathlon between Acme Looniversity and Perfecto Prep. Both Gogo and Shirley had set records in the 10m Head Toss and Anvil Lift. These results have been heavily contested by Perfecto Prep since the discovery of steroid use.

Under interrogation, case investigator, Jerald Hastins, discovered the athletes were nothing but mules in the international drug cartel of Montana Max. Hastins struck a plea bargain to have their charges dropped and protection provided in exchange for information against Montana Max.

Gogo’s publicized testimony before the Special Committee on Cartoon Violence enthralled television audiences with a chilling tale of the inner workings and violence of Montana's crime syndicate. Prostitution, drugs, and Blue slavery, Max dabbled in everything illegal; furthering his goal of world domination.

Uncovered, Max barricaded himself inside his compound and held the FBI at a standoff for 11 days. Acting under special orders, the compound was raided by FBI agents and National Guard troops at sunrise of the twelfth day. Authorities, expecting to find a fight, were shocked to discover the bodies of Max and Mistress Elmira dead from an apparent lovers' suicide pact.

Acme Looniversity won the 371st Laugh Olympics by a score of 32 to 17.