Why is Mario red and not blue or purple?

Originally published Wednesday August, 2nd 2006

Why is Mario red and not blue or purple?

super tube dude

Dear Superior Man of the Small-Screen,

It is clear that your profusion of television viewage has gone to your head. The networks blatantly and brazenly separate television programs. A “demographic”, as the network execs call it, is merely a fluffed-up term meaning “segregation”! Thus this is why you base a platform hero on color, alone.

Scientific studies, performed on children age 7 to 17, show that a whopping 76% of gamers prefer to be Mario over Luigi when playing Super Mario Brothers for NES. When asked why, a majority of them replied, “Because Luigi isn’t as good.” Is this really the case? Mario and Luigi are identical, except for their color. Is Luigi really worse of a character simply because he is green? Or is it the person beyond the color? The player, perhaps?

We, at the Axis of Stevil, hope that our message is clear to you. Remember to not view Mario by his color. Instead, view him as a fat, smelly Italian.


P.S. : If you’re still fuzzy on the issue, The Barenaked Ladies could help clear things up.

The Axis of Stevil

Contributors: Dick (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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