Are stingrays becoming more violent?

Originally published Monday October, 23rd 2006

Are stingrays becoming more violent?
- not signed

Dear _____,

Before we begin, The Axis of Stevil would like the reader to know that this particular subject has most certainly been the weight tied to our waist for the past few months. We remain serious and aware of the stingray threat. We were deeply saddened by the loss of, possibly, the greatest pioneer of Stevilization in the twentieth century, Steve Irwin. Despite a few human-on-ray attacks, Sir Irwin’s message of peace spread even further into the world. I believe 80’s glam metal sensation, Cinderella, puts it best: “Don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.”

Yes, concerned Stevilian, stingrays are indeed becoming increasingly violent. As always, The Axis of Stevil’s bona fide team of marine biologists, apply named the Association of Stingray Scientists and Educated Society, quickly reacted to this recent hostile behavior by pressing buttons and pulling levers. The A.S.S.E.S. facilities are located directly beneath Shamu #11’s prison tank in Sea World in charming Orlando, Florida. There, they conducted many tests with rays that had human interaction with rays that have never encountered humans. The rays that had been around humans proved to be “much more belligerent than their more natural counterparts.” After hours of meticulous debate and Soul Calibur III, the A.S.S.E.S. concluded that the anger-inducing culprit was, in fact, something they called “karma”.

The Axis of Stevil understands that karma isn’t always as delicious as it sounds. Before humans question the actions of stingrays, perhaps we should begin to analyze our own behavior.


The Axis of Stevil

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