Charitable Superlatives

Originally published Wednesday March, 8th 2006

charity

Everyday, people are exposed to a barrage of news. Violence, crime, energy shortages, and other disasters seem to happen every other day. The message is sometimes that you must give in order to care. Do not let your sympathies override your senses of judgment and curiosity. The gullible and the blindly compassionate will fork over their hard earned dollars and cents to the various name brand charities that dot our social landscapes. These organizations promise to put the money towards good causes and uses. What you should consider is this mob of charitable groups racketeer the world’s crises and concerns. Their long financial arms and lack of oversight allow them to pick and choose which causes warrant the most attention.

The Axis of Stevil, in it’s continuing efforts to enlighten the people to the realm of choices, has released a brief survey of some of the lesser-known or appreciated chartable organizations that seek to change the world.

TAOD - Sebastian Kartlerham founded Teens Against Old Drivers in 1989,which at the age of 17, was expelled from his high school for excessive tardiness. Kartlerham blamed his dilatoriness on the many slow-moving elderly drivers that clog the roads every morning, as he would go to school. Every year hundreds of thousands of motorists are slowed and frustrated by old drivers. TAOD seeks to solve this problem by collecting enough donations to build an additional Senior’s Lane within a two-mile radius of any rest home. TAOD also uses donations to fund its legal crusade to require all drivers over the age of sixty-seven to install speed regulators in their cars.

The New Day Foundation- Often pigeonholed as “radical” or “new-agey”, the New Day Foundation believes the solution to most of the world’s problems can be solved by adding an additional day to every week. This new day would give people 24 more hours to get heir work done, discuss their problem, research cures, or any other number of productive activities. Committee Chair and figurehead of the organization, Sobert Daes, has made it clear that his organization would not settle for a simple reordering of the Julian calendar, but rather the actual addition of 1,248 hours in the time it takes the earth to travel around the sun. Daes claims he has devised the world’s first planetary sail, a net of reflective fabric, 600 miles-long, that if unfurled 2 miles above the globe, tethered to a massive concrete slab or natural rock formation, such as the Rocky Mountains, could catch solar rays creating just enough drag to slow the planet by the correct amount of time. Scientists, who have examined the foundations plans in great detail, believe it would work but call attention to the large shadow the sail would cast over the planet.

Victorian Vigilance - Run by a codrey of Jane Austin fans, out of their lower Manahan offices, Victorian Vigilance claims to be the only public group that supports classic English values and social norms. Their sole mission is to stop proper grooming and manners from disappearing from modern society. Their published study “Violent Beatings and Educated Breeding” claims that since the official end of the Victorian Ages, violent crime has risen exponentially. They believe that the reintroduction of bland and stuffy Victorian clothing, and quite stifled public demeanors, will create a golden society once again. The group sponsors 45 debutant balls, and over 400 tea parties every year.

It’s important to know, that in this life, when you encounter a problem, or something you believe should be changed, the best course of action is to try and invoke changes yourself. The power of the individual is a tremendous, and often untapped resource. Though, in our modern society, where time-burglars and wombats run free, it can be hard to take on every problem in the world. Don’t throw your money to big charity. Look hard and find the organization that is right for you.

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