Fowl Lies

Originally published Monday December, 12th 2005


The sight of a dog wearing headphones, or a sea turtle selling fast food is not unheard of thanks to the constant barrage of anthromorphic TV. Over the past fifty years, television viewers have been desensitized to seeing animals acting as humans. This fact was made painfully apparent when it was reveled before a live television audience that President George W. Boosh was, in fact, a chicken; a giant chicken!

During a planned address to the nation regarding nationalized healthcare, President Boosh delivered heated remarks to his critics, saying,

“Buck buck buckcaaaaaaaaaa! buk buk!”

It was then, with sweat dripping from his pores, the president’s brow fell off; falling wistfully down to the chief executive’s podium. White House aids and television crew stared silently as the man who had led the country for the past five years was revealed to be the famous Chicken Boo. Now unmasked, the tricky chicken ran clucking towards the hills, following in his father, Bootolycus, the famed Poultry Warrior’s foot steps. Chicken Boo left a trail of presidential garments and microphone equipment in his wake. Filling the void of leadership. Vice President Frank Welker was sworn into office sixty-five minutes later aboard air force one.

Boo, a six-foot chicken with a better than average talent for makeup, had been presumed dead when he was discovered in disguise as Bow Booa; thuggish, dirty south mega star. Though an unsubstantiated rumor, it is said his back-up group, Barnyard’s Fantasy, pummeled him to death.

Barnyard’s Fantasy went on to make one more album without Boo. Produced by Thaddeus Plotz, the CD, “Chicken Bones in the Closet”, features several songs that make reference to a violent slaughter and feast of many chickens. The album’s twelve minute single, “Chicken Pot Pie” is a graphic telling of the former front man’s death.

“Punch that chicken in the face, Make him pay for my disgrace! Heard him cluck before he died, had him dipped and battered fried. Bukkaaaaaaaaaamotha fucka!”.

The Experimental Poultracidal work was shunned by critics and sold poorly. The band went on touring, but has not produced another studio album since.

Looking at recorded evidence, it is amazing that Boo was not found out earlier. From his bizarre eating styles, the mismanagement of foreign affairs, French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin’s constant remarks that Boosh being a giant chicken, and the undeniable fact that hindsight is 20/20, it is clear now that we were blind to the obvious. The evidence was there; how could we not have seen it for so long? Let this be a lesson for the country in 2008. Stay informed and vote a human into office.

Contributors: Stevil (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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