High Voltage Tweeters

Originally published Monday June, 6th 2005

Highvoltage

Anywhere there is a power line, there is a bird sitting on it. What compels them to rest on these ‘”live wires”? A recent study by The Axis of Stevil Zoological Intoxicant Center has determined that birds of all shapes and sizes can receive a euphoric buzz from perching on these wires.

The average sized bird on a wire has enough current running through its body to run 5 Game Boys. This energy hyper-stimulation causes their tiny birdbrains to see powerful imagery of the great birdhouse in the sky. The mystical hidden bird city is perched in the highest branch on the tree of life. All birds have an inborn desire to seek this perch. By resting on the wires, birds hope to gain clarity and directions in their flight plans. It should be noted that onthlilogical anthropologists have deduced that the great birdhouse is actually located at the Bird Sanctuary in Tuleth, Michigan. The Marvin Gay Memorial bird gardens are home to the world’s largest and second largest birdhouses.

While in these “powered” states birds will often find themselves lost in a train of thought or detached from reality. It is unknown as of this moment if there is a real connection between wire sitting and the staggering decline in bird test scores in the past 100 years. The Axis of Stevil is a pioneer of the new bird safe energy standard GC (Grounded Current). The quick adoption of the GC standard would over 5 years decrease overall world squawking by 13 percent, and bring about a modern bird renaissance

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