Joe Power

Originally published Wednesday August, 16th 2006

BGHFuelsmall

In a backward step towards solving the world’s energy crisis, the National Security Agency has closed the B.G.H Hydrogen Fuel Station. The relatively unknown depot is the brainchild of former child star, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. After years of playing a fish out of water alien role on “3rd Rock From The Sun”, Levitt unwittingly became a beacon for real extraterrestrials looking to acclimatize themselves to human nature.

In 2002, Levitt was visited by a group of coarse, socially inept aliens with large heads from Epsilon Eridani, the eight closest star to Earth. In exchange for lessons in demeanor and basic human interaction, the Eridani’s gave Levitt plans for the ultimate power cell. After spending the next two years building a prototype from these plans, Levitt created the ‘Joe cell’. The miraculous energy cell is powered by water and creates no exhaust, byproducts, or heat. In fact, when operating at full strength the device cancels out gravity and levitates within it’s watery medium. Knowing the revolutionary technology would be suppressed by energy concerns, Levitt released plans for his prototype to the web. Hobbyist and energy enthusiasts embraced the technology and managed to create a hybrid combustion engine within months of seeing the blueprints. The hybrid creation was powered almost entirely by the Joe cell.

With a fleet of Joe powered cars in production and preliminary testing well underway, Levitt constructed the world’s first hydrogen fuel station. He dedicated it to the big giant heads that brought him the miracle plans needed to power the world’s transportation for countless generations. B.G.H Hydrogen was set to open last week, however due to a classified presidential order, the fuel station has been shuttered and the fleets of Joe cars have evaporated.

The Axis of Stevil asks that all its readers investigate alternative energy sources. Once the world is free of its foolish fossil fuel addiction, better progress can be made in achieving a lasting peace throughout the world.

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