Stink No Longer

Originally published Monday March, 20th 2006

Do you suspect your friend or communal life partner is suffering from the debilitating symptoms of Peltmegaly? Commonly known as ‘Long-Hairs’ or ‘Hippiedom’, Peltmegaly affects 400,000 Americans every year. Increase your hypochondria and know the symptoms of Peltegaly: severe and often crippling litharge, dementia and a noxious miasma. Though rarely fatal, chromic sufferers have problems holding down jobs and interacting in normal society.

hippieintervention

The path to recovery for Peltmegalians is a long and often emotionally trying. The first step is to intervene. Most hippies don’t know they are suffering, or how bad they smell. Many find it hard to communicate with people on “the wavy gravy” due to their nonsensical ramblings and oblivious stares. Do not let them suffer alone! Be like the Iron Woman, take matters into your own hands and clean up their act. First, wait patiently outside their dwelling or earth mound. When they appear, soak them with a garden or fire hose. Ignore their cries for mercy and soak them to the bone to wash away layers of grime and resin. If you need further information on this process please consult one of many online guides.

The Axis of Stevil, every year, spends $79.99 over the course of five months to ionicly clean the air surrounding the Hippie Wing of the Northern Idaho Conference Center.

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