The New Deal

Originally published Monday May, 8th 2006


A great tragedy has struck the nation. “Claimed” comedian and new game show host, Howie Mandel has been reported missing as of Saturday, May 6th. He was last seen in a tavern outside of East Shore, Nebraska. Witnesses testify that he was in town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and left the Rusty Bucket Tavern with three unidentified individuals wearing plastic-beaded necklaces and sombreros.

Despite his mysterious disappearance, Mandel’s new hit game show, “Deal or No Deal,” will not go unhosted. Close friend and former cast-mate, Bobby Generic (jin-ER-ric) will continue hosting duties until further notice.

“It’s really heartbreaking,” said Generic. “I feel worse than I do after Uncle Ted’s Noogie Time.”

“Gee golly, my poor Bobby is real tore up about this whole ordeal, don’t you know?” added Martha Generic, Bobby’s mother and former Mandel co-star.

Audience attendance did not appear to suffer at the taping of the new round of “Deal or No Deal”. In fact, attendance jumped nearly 7.5% when “Save Howie Mandel” (a.k.a. S.H.M or Shim) activists arrived outside of the studio. To make the show a bit more exciting, the new, even more mysterious eight-armed banker added some wonderful prizes to his offer. 38 year-old bank teller Barbara Welles left with $194,000 and an exclusive Captain Squash action figure collection for her 5 year-old twin boys, which were in the audience cheering her on. She had made an excellent deal when Bobby revealed that her case contained only fifty dollars. Bobby Generic plans to continue hosting the show until the location of Mandel. The “Save Howie Mandel” organization is funded by Bobby Generic and donations from the public. If you wish to donate time or effort, please contact Ted Generic at

Contributors: Stevil (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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