War Czar Fun

Originally published Friday April, 13th 2007

Flintheartglomgold

Tridecaphobiacs retreat! It’s time for another Friday the 13th, which means that our diabolical desk-jockeys at Darker Brothers are revealing their newest game! The Axis of Stevil proudly presents Flintheart Glomgold’s Battleship, the action-adventure game featuring an air-borne attack of absolute affluence and avarice.

Only the most moneyed of minors can take part in Flintheart Glomgold’s Battleship. In each Flintheart Glomgold’s Battleship box, you’ll find 1:8 scale replicas of an aircraft carrier, battleship, submarine, destroyer, and patrol boat, all manufactured at the finest United States military bases using tax money given by the meager middle-class. The objective of the game is to maneuver your fleet of remote-controlled mini-F35s, each equipped with three 50-gallon tanks filled with gasoline, crude oil, and Sacagawea dollars, and crash them into your opposition’s battalion. The first one to destroy their opponent’s armada is crowned ‘War Czar’ while their housemaids collect the coins from burning boats and bodies of water. 12:44

You too can quench your thirst for premature provincial political power thanks to Flintheart Glomgold’s Battleship. Take the helm of your 200 foot-long scaled aircraft carrier and crush the competition in the country club with crude and coinage. Each box set comes with 25 car-sized, remote-controlled F35s and is now available for one easy installment of $24,999,999.99. Bundle packs of additional F35s can be found at your local Flintheart Glomgold’s Battleship provider

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