Don't Be A Dummy

Originally published Wednesday March, 29th 2006

babyEDS

Traffic on the thoroughfares and byways surrounding major cities is often congested and subject to slow-downs. The one salvation to this chaos is the H.O.V. lanes. These high-occupancy lanes allow society to once again elevate families and sociable people above the single loners of the world. Well, if you are tired of being stuck behind the “newest shipments of summer savings”, “wide right turns” or “I brake for Jesus”, The Axis of Stevil suggests you get out into the fast lane, without fear, with Baby E.D.S. by your side.

From the same people that brought you the Furby, The new Emotronic Decoy System, or E.D.S., is disguised as an infant child. Not simply a decoy, E.D.S. is the next generation in emotive robotics. It listens, understands and feels up to 17 programmable cognitives. Built-in radar detectors allow you and E.D.S. to stay one step ahead of Johnny Law, leaving you worry free if you are ever stopped. In recent clinical trials, the high-powered decoy fooled 8 out of 14 police officers. The manufacturers are so confident in their product, that they offer a complete money-back guarantee if you are caught with the decoy*.

Installation is a snap! Plug the E.D.S. docking child seat into any car cigarette lighter and you’re an instant family man. E.D.S. will move his arms and head periodically in a realistic fashion. Unlike a useless passenger, like a regular child, E.D.S. can be specially equipped with Buust Mobile, allowing you to stay connected with other E.D.S.’s in the area. The Axis of Stevil reminds all motorists to be alert and aware on the roadway. Keeping your hands at 10 and 2 allow for maximum control over your steering wheel.

* Baby E.D.S. must be in original, unopened packaging with receipt, notarized comment card, photocopy of citation, picture with arresting officer, and $8.95 S&H.

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