The American Experience

Originally published Monday May, 1st 2006


The destruction and chaos of nature’s fury has lead to the birth of a beautiful attraction in the heart of the gulf coast. A group of landowners and private businessmen, known as The Bold Menu Group, have united under the figurehead of the Cajun lifestyles of Leatherhead. Promising a family-oriented fun park of patriotic symbols, BMG is poising itself for a take over of a major city by August of 2008; which is when construction of the 18-course adventure laden golf course is said to be completed. Leatherhead’s American Experience is a complete mini-golf game stretched across 140 acres of lush, adventuress green valleys in order to prevent the awkward experience of having to wait for some other group to finish playing a mini-golf hole.

The vision of this Patro-matic themed wilderness was born inside of a young Jess Hardly, a humble young bayou trapper. When he was regrettably transformed by fate, and mutagen, into Leatherhead, he was immediately shunned from society. Turning to a life of crime, he became hired muscle for some of history’s most crucial villains. In the wake of the recent hurricanes, the American spirit has awoken within Leatherhead and he now devotes himself to the rebuilding of his once beautiful home. He continues to work tirelessly in public, assembling housing and clearing streets.

The spectacle of an alligator-man in a leather vest, hammering singles onto a rooftop became, in the eyes of the federal movement, a sign that man and nature would once again coexist in gulf coast.

Both state and federal governments have promised large grants, valued in the millions, to Leatherhead’s construction company. Hardly has become synonymous with progress and forward thinking in the reemerging flooded areas of New Orleans. When finished, Leatherhead’s American Experience will teach all the major patriotic virtues. Every hole in the game is spaced apart by a long series of track-driven rides that dramatize an abridged version of all the major events in American history. Thanks to track controls, monitored by computer, you arrive at the next hole alone, allowing you the ultimate American experience of being free to take your time to enjoy the next hole of mini-golf. The ride concludes with the butchering of a piñata in the shape of Gary McKinnon, which signifies the next great step for patriotism.

Despite Leatherhead’s current status of American hero and pioneer, The Axis of Stevil continues to list Hardly as one of the most dangerous people in these United States. Has this poor Louisiana son, turned dry-skinned, hardened criminal really turned a new leaf? Or will he utilize the government funding and ownership of over 24% of the Gulf Coast in a scheme that gives him even more power in the United States? The Axis of Stevil watches ever-so closely to developing news involving Hardly, as well as the rest of the world.

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