Meanwhile A medieval psalter is found open in an Irish bogTour de France winner Floyd Landis fails a drug testAndrea Yates is found not guilty by reason of insanity at her retrialAn Israeli strike kills four UN observers in LebanonCalifornia's heat wave kills more than 90

The week of Monday, July 24, 2006 Jul 24–28, 2006 Week of Mon, Jul 24–28, 2006

Homeland Cruise Viacom

Vol. II • No. 66 3 new works

Publications

Another Summer Remake

HomelandBound

The lag time of western culture to reach mid western Asia is glacial. The summer of 2004 brought the halcyon days of 1989 to Iran and the liberating music of David Hasselhoff. At present day, the region is now stuck in the turbulent early 1990’s. The radio station of Tehran would be blasting “Jump Around“, and Eric Clapton's “Tears in Heaven” had the government not outlawed all western music. In fact, the government of Iran has been spending a lot of time sifting through its entertainment imports, banning hip tunes. On all levels of media, content is being censored, over dubbed, and re-cut to show a singular message as approved by the mullahs.

At first, the censorship was brushed aside as xenophobic nationalism. Now aided by the budding film studios of "Sotron", a Jewish community in southwest Tehran, The Internal Ministry of Iran has taken censoring to the next level; re-shooting several scenes from popular 90s sitcoms that would be otherwise un-viewable. Aaron Spelling’s masterpiece, Beverly Hills 90210 has become Chaleh Meydan 80211. The show loosely followers the plot lines of the original series but in moments of intimacy, dancing, singing or "periods of obscene gluttony", the Iranian made re-shoots are cut in. These cut scenes often show an afternoon prayer or Berka clad teens buying rugs, or visiting Tehran’s famous rug museum.

Not limited to television shows, movies are also starting to get retooled. “Homeward Bound”, the enduring tale of how the love for a family can guide three loyal pets home, has been reproduced to fit the media mold. Released as “Homeland Bound”, the movie is a tale of three pets that travel across a rugged wilderness to conduct terror attacks on simple unsuspecting mountain folk of the Sierras using additional footage, CGI effects and clever editing. Sassy the cat has become (ironically) Saleema, a fully robed suicide bomber that does not speak at all during the movie until the climatic final scene, when the Himalayan cat, finally united with her target “owner”, screamed and detonated armaments hidden under her clothing. The other animals make reappearance as well. Shadow, the elderly dog, has become a wise religious leader, and Chance has become embittered towards America after a US lead air strike destroyed his kennel.

In resolution 238c, The Axis of Stevil established its opinion that all regions of the world should encourage the production of local programming and community togetherness; reducing the need for an imperialistic global media presence.

Publications

Via Com Dios

Via Com Dios

Viacom, the bourgeoisie of the broadcast spectrum, have taken further steps to secure their monopoly on public thought and opinion. The media conglomerate is making a play to buy the onion.com; transforming the fake news site into another online outlet for the bland watered down messages of pseudo-western ideals. This acquisition stands to benefit The Onion greatly as they're access to fake news will be near quadrupled.

Readers of The Onion will be dismayed as the merger continues. The political satire and trifle of the site will be replaced with boring send ups of Nick Lachey’s most recent movie, triple underline for maximum clicking convenience.

Continued in Publications, Plate 106

Tune of the Week

Brooks Wood Band

“Made For Two”

Brooks Wood Band

Featured Jul 10 – Sep 1, 2006

Drawing from elements and genres across the board, BWB captures a sound all their own. One critic once coined the BWB genre-acoustic-soulful-funkadelic-country-rock. At the end of the day, it's feel good music that will save your soul. On a bad night BWB will play one of the most solid live shows you'll witness. On a good night, they'll complete you as a human being (other species are welcome, too).

Brooks Wood - rhythm guitar & vox
Miah Wander - bass guitar & vox
Danny Shampine - drums
Paul Sheeran - lead guitar
Greg Holzer - keyboard, backup vox

From the archive

  1. Tempus Fugit 10.21.05
  2. Stephen Hawking 08.05.05
  3. The New Age Of Villainy 07.15.05
  4. Case Study No. 2004341-919 07.06.05
  5. Mammoth 05.20.05
  6. See Yourself On A New Model D 05.18.05

Vol. II · No. 66 · Jul 24–28, 2006